What Does a Mediator Do?
People are often confused by mediators. Are they counselors? Do they tell us what to do or do we have to figure everything out on our own? So, here is a list of what they do and don’t do.
10 Things a Mediator Will Do
Remain neutral and not advocate for either you or your spouse.
Make sure each of your views are expressed, understood, and discussed.
Help you work through any disagreements and impasses that may develop.
Re-frame issues to help get to the bottom of disagreements, detoxify hurtful language, and use other techniques to improve communications.
Refer you to other professionals (e.g. CPA’s, attorneys, real estate agents, parenting specialists) to help deal with specific questions.
Methodically help you build your settlement start-to-finish.
Show you ways couples have dealt with various divorce issues and topics.
Ideally use analytical financial software to help you make informed decisions
Create a very detailed document of your agreements (a memorandum of understanding) to be used as the basis for your formal settlement agreement.
Talk with your attorney about the details of your settlement if requested.
10 Things a Mediator Won’t Do
Make decisions for you, or advocate for one side.
Referee and decide who is right or wrong.
Judge bad behavior, although they may be mandated reporters of child abuse.
Play the role of counselors or therapists, although some do that work.
Give legal, tax, or parenting advice.
Keep you from making bad decisions with your money, unless they are an analyst (like us!)
Assist your attorney if the mediation fails. You start from the beginning.
Create a legally binding settlement document, unless they are a lawyer.
Guarantee your settlement is fair and equitable.
Allow a mediation to move forward if the parties are not being truthful about their finances or are using bullying tactics.