September 13, 2020 Kate Licciardello
“You are as worthy in your stillness as you are in your busyness. You are as worthy in your fear as you are in your joy, your confidence, your uplifted-ness.”
I’ve been too tired to write. So I’m writing about being tired.
Ever have one of those moments where you realize you’ve been clenching your jaw, painting on a manic smile and calling it good? Zipping your emotions up tightly and storing them right at the surface, but not letting them out? For days, weeks, months?
It’s easy to do these days. It’s easy to want to treat 2020 like it’s not 2020. To want to carry on with your goals, dreams, plans like things haven’t shifted. To quote my mentor and soul sister Juliana Mitchell, to acknowledge that this year is a “sacred shitshow.”
I went back to work a month and a half ago, and I’m grateful to be back. I love my work, but things have (appropriately) changed. There are new protocols and new fears to navigate. What used to take one step feels like it’s seven. It all feels big, and I didn’t realize I wasn’t putting it down.
I came home from work one Friday, and had a half hour before I had dinner plans. I said to my roommate Amy, “I know I’ll enjoy tonight, but I wish I had nothing to do. I’m so tired.”
She said, “Let yourself be tired.”
My first instinct was to go through every worst case scenario of how anyone I loved would be impacted by my having less-than-optimal-energy because I care for you all and am very neurotic.
As I went to correct her, I realized nothing bad would happen if I allowed myself to be tired. I didn’t even have anything to DO in that moment, but was resisting letting even a little bit go.
I’d like to remind you all that if you’re having a moment (or 20) of fear, grief, exhaustion, annoyance, it’s ok to be that. Be that, right now.
You are as worthy in your stillness as you are in your busy-ness. You are as worthy in your fear as you are in your joy, your confidence, your upliftedness.
Let yourself be tired. There’s room on my couch.