By Katie Licciardello, Wentworth Parenting Specialist
As a teacher of these young cherubs, I strive every day to fast-track the task of getting two and three year olds to listen. Much of my wisdom has come, first and foremost, from what I’ve tried and learned definitely doesn’t work. What can I say? I like to take the scenic route.
Don’ts:
1) Do not throw out a verbal instruction then walk away—I know it’s tempting to ask your three year old to clean up the toys while you do the dishes, or check your e-mail, or respond to a text, but I promise you that other thing can wait. Young children are in a very dreamlike state, and can easily get sidetracked with their imaginations or a bright shiny object. Staying the course might require more patience initially, but will guarantee more success for all.
2) Do not give one million options—they don’t know it, but they need you to decide, and mean it. You may be tempted to negotiate or offer alternatives if you get push-back or delayed listening, but it will just douse confusion on the situation. Be clear and concise.
I turned to The Soul of Discipline by Kim John Payne, M.Ed., for additional support on this topic. According to Payne, during the early years, you should think of yourselves as the “Governor of Decisions.” Young children’s developmental needs mean they need help feeling safe, controlling impulses, and learning to follow directions by YOU showing them who is in charge.
Do’s:
1) Do Pause and Picture: Pause, allowing your child a moment to orient herself. Even more important, center yourself as well. Picture yourself giving your child a direction that she fulfills well. Allow yourself to imagine success.
2) Do Start Small: Give your child an instruction that is in his or her doable range
3) Do Stay Close and Calm: After giving in instruction, move in close to your child. You can give older kids a bit more space, but little ones respond well to a parent’s physical proximity. Remain calm, collected, and centered.
4) Do Insist: Don’t get drawn into explorations of whatever angle your child can dream up to avoid doing what you have said. Insist quietly and calmly. Be a broken record. Your voice should be monotone but clear.
5) Do Follow Through: In our age of distraction, in which multitasking seems to be a grown-up word for ADHD, this can be a challenge. But it is vital to remain focused after you have given an instruction. Stick to it.
A bonus “Do” from me:
6) Do model the task (with joy, if you can muster it!). Show your child you’re there to support them if they need help. If you’re asking your toddler to pick up the blocks and it’s not panning out on your dream timeline, start throwing the blocks in one at a time, counting, perhaps saying, “I see you need help! Can you grab that block way over there?”
Please feel free to comment with your questions or send me an email at pocketcalm@gmail.com.
Kate